Am I supposed to be here?
AA is not just for alcoholics! If you are addicted to anything, you can go to an AA meeting and get help. Every time the world alcohol is used just replace it with your choice of addiction. Say it is drugs, when the word alcohol is used, in your mind replace it with drugs, it’s simple and may sound stupid, but it works. AA was the first 12-step program, NA didn’t come along for a few decades, and then of course all the other anonymous’ followed, the gamblers, over-eaters, etc.
Chances are if you are at an AA meeting, you belong there. Judges, parole officers, counselors, and therapists among other professionals send people to Alcoholics Anonymous to get help. At least that is their intention. Some unfortunate behavior has landed your butt in a chair at an AA meeting. Or if you are one of the blessed few, you have come to AA “on your own” for help. Regardless of how you got here, just relax; this process is “simple but not easy.” You’ll find out that there are hundreds of clichés and sayings in and around AA, you’ll get used to it.
“Newcomer”
For your first meeting, don’t be scared! It’s not that bad! Everyone in the meeting has been in the exact same position you are in right now. “The newcomer” the person who has never been to a meeting will probably be a bit apprehensive and who can blame them? Here are a bunch of strangers that will be hugging you and welcoming you like your long lost cousin Bertha. You will probably not understand this behavior nor are you likely to care for it much, until you have been to a few meetings, but you will be ok. There is no way for me to cover AA history in an article, I am simply going to give you some tips to get through your first couple of meetings, after that, you’ll catch on. You are at a meeting out of your own free will, someone may have suggested you go, or even told you that you have to go, or go to jail or some other consequences, but you are free to get up and leave at anytime you choose.
“Hi, I’m Toni, and I’m an Alcoholic”
Being a drug addict myself I didn’t understand why I said “Hi, I’m Toni, and I’m an alcoholic”, but that’s what they told me to do, so I did. Later, I found out that it is an old-fashioned AA courtesy, which my sponsor (a type of mentor) told me I should do; you do not however have to say it. You are free to say hi, my name is Toni, I’m and addict, or whatever you choose. Do not use your last name, as it is an anonymous program, meaning, what you see and hear at a meeting is not supposed to be repeated to anyone outside of a meeting. For example, if you happen to see your next-door neighbor at an AA meeting, do not go to the school the next day, and say, did you know, “Susie is an alcoholic and goes to AA?”
At the beginning of each meeting, the good folks at AA will read a list of 12-steps; these they believe are the 12-steps to recovery. Recovery being the time in your life when you no longer drink (or do drugs) and are not miserable, but at peace because of it, or in spite of it, which ever your case may be. If the meeting you are attending is located in an AA facility there will be some posters on the walls. At the beginning of the meetings it is customary for someone to read the steps, read the rules, and read some excerpts from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
A few “rules”
Some things for you to remember, if you forget, trust me you will be gently reminded of the rules. They may seem like common sense, but one must have rules at an AA meeting.
You should not talk while other people are talking. If you are under the influence, you are welcome to stay and listen, but it is not recommended that you share (talk). After the large group is done with the “readings” people break off into smaller groups or tables, usually no more than 8 at a table, but it all depends on the venue and what is already established. Just try to go with the flow.
If you feel really awkward, ask someone, they will be overjoyed to see a new person (you will come to understand this later), and they will do everything they can to make you comfortable. Before you sit down, they normally have coffee or some sort of refreshments available, get it before you sit down, once the meeting has started you shouldn’t get up and walk around.
If you need to use the restroom, quietly get up and leave and quietly sit back down when you return. When everyone settles down to a seat a table leader is usually chosen, at that point it will be decided what the topic will be. It can be a step (from the 12-steps), and issue, or it can be anything the person wants.
Depending on the leader, they will usually start the table off talking about what ever the subject is, and then ask the next person to share. At that time, anyone at the table can talk, they start by saying, “hi my name is Joe, and I’m and alcoholic”, the rest of the table, says “hi, Joe” and then Joe begins speaking about whatever it is he chooses, hopefully on the topic that was previously chosen.
How Long Will It Last?
Meetings generally last about an hour, depending on the size and location, so each person should keep what they are saying down to 3-5 minutes. Of course, if there is an emotional issue, or someone is sharing something very personal, you don’t cut them off at the 5 minute mark, but if they are just rambling away, the table leader will usually suggest it is time for the next person to talk.
At your first meeting you will not be expected to say much, it’s normal to say, “hi, I’m Toni, I’m an alcoholic, and I’m just going to listen today”, they will say “hi, Toni, thanks for coming, glad you’re here”, or something along those lines.
See More helpful information about meetings.
