The best advice I ever got was: “Ask advice from the person who you most want to be like”. If they have what you want, ask them how they got it. This is fabulous advice for people in recovery, the guy who keeps relapsing always has tons of advice for you, what you should do, the best meetings, etc, etc. But, when it comes down to it, he’s doing something wrong or he wouldn’t keep returning to the same behavior.
When you do the same thing over-and-over you get the same results over-and-over, it makes sense then, if you want to change the result, the behavior is what needs to change. You know the story of the person walking down the street that keeps falling in the same hole, day after day, same street, falls in the same hole, until he figures out, he needs to go down a different street. It is the same thing with recovery. The same behavior will bring about the same results.When you are new to recovery, it is easy to fall into the trap of trying to do what everybody is telling you to do. Your desire to succeed sometimes will run over your common sense. Your best bet is to find the people who are really experiencing all that recovery is. Many people go to meetings, do not use and are miserable, simply because they are not using is not a good enough reason to take their advice. Recovery is a different process for everyone, no two people will remain sober exactly the same way, some use 12-step programs, praying, and jogging, and others may never go to a meeting, but call a sponsor every day, meditate and pray. The people who are making it, the ones that are succeeding, are the people you need to talk to, to reach out to and emulate.
Asking for help is not always easy, so remember, would you have asked for help to buy drugs? Probably, you probably would have done anything to get high. You need to be just as willing to do whatever it takes to remain sober. I know it’s cliché but clichés become clichés because they are right. People would not keep repeating them if they were not true. Just like the hole in the road, only in reverse, if something is working, you need to keep doing it, and it will keep working.
Find the people you most wish to be like, the person with the quiet, unspoken contentment, the person that everyone is happy to see when he or she walks into a room. Usually they are incredibly grateful for what they have, they want to share their experience with others and help people on their quest for serenity. Ask them what it is that works for them, how do they make it through the hard times, they experience challenges also, the difference being, instead of complaining about the problem, they are doing something about it. Ask their advice and they will be honored by your request, and will be glad to share their experiences with you. Serenity does not happen overnight, the quiet peacefulness of some people is almost palpable; if they have what you want; ask them how they got it.
Recovery takes action, you must find a different way to live, you cannot simply stop using and not change anything else, even if it’s just your attitude that needs to be changed, ceasing to use is just the first step, it’s the easy part, staying sober and remaining happy while you are sober is the hard part.
