After I got sober, the last time, I had a hard time adjusting to the fact that I had to deal with my
feelings. Gross, feelings, I hate mushy stuff! While I was using, over a period of about 15 years on and off, I cried a total of about 4 times. Once I got sober, I cried everyday! How was I supposed to stay sober if I couldn’t quit crying.It took me about 10 years to get 30 days clean. I know it sounds funny, right, but it’s true. I knew my life was a wreck and that I had to stop using drugs, so I’d quit, sometimes for a day, sometimes three days, occasionally I’d even piece together a few weeks and then, RELAPSE. Relapse, the word relapse implied that I had actually accomplished something to begin with.
I stopped calling it that after a while, how can it be a relapse, when I wasn’t even sober long enough to get past the side effects of getting the drugs out of my body. Then I learned, there is a difference between being clean and being sober. Clean is when you are simply not using. Sober is when you are living your life as a person who doesn’t use. Big difference, anyone can be clean and miserable, chances are being miserable led to being an addict or alcoholic in the first place. No one likes to feel bad, whether it be short-lived like grief after someone dies, or a long depression over a abusive childhood, feeling bad is something most of us would rather not feel.
Don't Worry Be Happy
Drug addicts and alcoholics don’t have the coping mechanisms to deal with our feelings. We prefer to numb ourselves to the situations we don’t want to deal with and/or get high to forget it and just feel good. The problem with that is after a while we don’t know what is a real feeling anymore.
After achieving a decent amount of clean time, the idea is to achieve some amount of serenity. Serenity is a feeling of peace or contentment with your life, without the assistance of chemicals. Many addicts and alcoholics have been using for so long they may not even remember what it is they are trying not to feel, or to feel, whichever the case may be. Being able to deal with ones issues is difficult in itself, but there is more bad news. All the years of using has taken away your brains ability to feel happy without chemicals. Now you’re thinking, what good is being sober if I’ll never be happy again, that’s not what I mean at all, it is possible to feel good, but it may take a little work.
The Pink Cloud
A few weeks or a month after you get past the physical effects of detoxing you may experience, what many in AA call, the pink cloud. A feeling of walking on air, that there is nothing wrong in the world and everything is perfect. When you feel it, you will know what it means to be happy, joyous and free. That’s what we want to feel like all the time, but face it, life is a series of challenges, struggles, achievements and disappointments. The goal is to stay sober all of the time, during life’s ups and downs, and the downs won’t be as bad as they were when you were using, because you won’t have the consequences of your use to deal with on top of whatever the challenge of the day is.
It doesn’t really do a lot of good to try and analyze why you used drugs or alcohol, the goal is to make sure whatever those reasons are, that you learn to deal with them sober. You may consider therapy; many addicts including myself have conquered their issues with the help of a therapist. There are many places to receive therapy on a sliding scale (based on your ability to pay) and often there is free help available to recove
ring addicts and alcoholics. You must remember though, therapy is work, you have to do the work, not the therapist, their job is to guide you through the process, helping you to deal with your issues without the use of drugs and alcohol. Depending on your issues, it can take a long time to work through them all, and then again, you may understand yourself well enough after a few sessions to be able to handle life without much stress at all.
ring addicts and alcoholics. You must remember though, therapy is work, you have to do the work, not the therapist, their job is to guide you through the process, helping you to deal with your issues without the use of drugs and alcohol. Depending on your issues, it can take a long time to work through them all, and then again, you may understand yourself well enough after a few sessions to be able to handle life without much stress at all.
In addition to therapy, there is medication available to help those of us diagnosed with a clinical mental disorder. It is common after becoming sober for a doctor to tell say you may be bi-polar, or suffer from any number of mental illnesses. They may have been at the root of your problem to begin with, contributing to your addiction or alcoholism. Do not get all upset, this is not a big deal; you have been using chemicals for a long time to adjust the way you are feeling. Once diagnosed, you can get help. You may take medication temporarily or for the rest of your life, but either way, it is better than being a slave to drugs and/or alcohol. I am being honest with you, I’m not going to sugar coat it, the hard part of being sober, is being learning to be happy without drugs or alcohol.
Once you are content with your life, it’ll be a whole lot easier to stay sober. That doesn’t mean accepting less out of life, it is allowing yourself to be grateful and content while you move up and try to live each day better than the last. You do not have to be miserable because you do not make a lot of money, but you do not need to accept being poor either. The contentment comes in being ok with the fact that yes, right now, you are struggling financially, but eventually, with hard work, you will overcome your difficulties and your life will improve. Having faith does not mean having blind faith, you will not suddenly have a perfect life the minute you stop using/drinking, but once that roadblock is out of the way, you can continue on making progress with your life.
Finding your joy may be a difficult undertaking. It may take years to find your true inner happiness, it is a process, you are not going to be “cured” over night, but with some work, it will get easier to live with yourself without the use of drugs/alcohol.
Grateful
Many people have said they are grateful to be a drug addict or alcoholic, what, that doesn’t make any sense, right? The point is, if they hadn’t been and addict/alcoholic they may never have gone through the process of finding their true serenity. Many sober people walk through life miserable as can be, they may not use, or drink, but they are still miserable. They would probably benefit from therapy or 12-step work but, since they do not have a “problem” they will not try to find the cure. So yes, we are blessed; we know what is wrong with us, because now that we know what the problem is, we can fix it, the problem is in the not knowing.
So enjoy being sober, learn to be happy without drugs and alcohol, once you can feel joy without the use of chemicals you will notice that it is a new type of pure effortless joy, one without the consequences of using, and it is worth it! As they say, “Don’t leave before the miracle happens!” it means tomorrow might be the day, the day when you aren’t sad anymore, when you are content and happy for no reason other than to be alive and free of drugs/alcohol.
